Battle of the Games!
by jisko888
Summary: A cool award show based on Final fantasy. i did not write this. a friend of mine did.


Battle of the Games Awards  
  
Please note that I do not own any of the characters they belong to Squaresoft etc etc. This is rated 15/PG-15 for sexual content and mild violence, but I'm sure you can handle that. This piece features two non-FF characters: Sophie (me, the author), and Tyson (the Dark Master). It was originally designed for our site so some parts may be a little unclear, but I've tried my best to edit it. Don't be put off by the fact that we're in it! It's 95% FF, I promise!  
  
*It's the Battle of the Games Awards and they are taking place in the Royal Albert Hall- which is pretty pointless really since the FF characters are Japanese. All the FF7 characters (except Reeve & Rude) are seated in the audience, along with Squall, Zell, Rinoa, Seifer, Zidane, Steiner, Amarant & Beatrix.  
  
Steiner: I say Zidane old boy, what the dickens are Master Vivi & Mistress Eiko doing in that crÃ¨che over there?!  
  
* Vivi & Eiko can be seen banging on the wall of the nearby children's play area crÃ¨che type thing. A load of babies have nicked Vivi's staff and are creating havoc with it. *  
  
Zidane: I don't know and I don't care, and will you stop talking like that! British people don't talk like that anymore, you sound worse than Garnet!  
  
Garnet: * From the gallery * Oh my my! I can't possibly sit on that! It's not nearly clean enough! Why, I can't even see my face in it!  
  
Servant: Um, it's a cushion Your Majesty.  
  
Garnet: I don't care! I want to see my face in it!  
  
Servant: * Lightbulb over head * If you would turn away for one minute Your Majesty.  
  
* Garnet turns round and the servant places a mirror on top of the cushion*  
  
Garnet: *turns round * oh that's much better! * she goes to sit down and the servant deftly whips the mirror away before she crushes it with her royal backside *  
  
Back down below: .  
  
Steiner: I say Zidane, that was a bit harsh, what! I had a fine public school education in England and jolly spiffing it was too!  
  
Beatrix: Adelby sweetie, everyone's looking at you.  
  
Steiner: Ah Beatrix my darling, anything for you. Of course in my schooldays there were no girls so we had to-  
  
Beatrix: * cough * Yes Adelby that's very interesting, but the awards are starting so please be quiet.  
  
Zidane: Hmm.who did put Vivi & Eiko in there.?  
  
Amarant: Hehehe.  
  
* the lights dim & the music stops *  
  
????: Eeek! I'm scared of the dark!  
  
* a spotlight is switched on and highlights Reeve and Rude on the stage. Rude is clinging onto Reeve and hiding his head in his jacket. *  
  
Everyone: .....  
  
Rude:..Welcome to the Battle of the Games Awards!  
  
Everyone...  
  
Reeve: Courtesy of Rufus Shinra!!!  
  
Everyone: ...  
  
Rufus's voice: Champagne and strippers will be provided after the show!!  
  
Everyone: * Loud cheers and general clapping *  
  
Reeve: Well hello and welcome to this historical occasion! Never before has such an event taken place in the history of anime! Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, the Battle of the Games Awards!!!  
  
Sephiroth: Get on with the show! We want the strippers!!  
  
Reeve: Ahem, yes. Well our first award is for one of the most important aspects of Final Fantasy, the wonderful music composed by the extremely talented Nobuo Uematsu!!  
  
* Everyone looks blank *  
  
Reeve: You know, Nobuo Uematsu!!!  
  
Rude..Who?  
  
Reeve: *Bangs head with hand * And here to present the award is Miss Julia Heartilly!!!  
  
Selphie: Whoo hoo!  
  
Rinoa: Heartilly.?  
  
* Julia walks on in that red dress, you know, THAT red dress *  
  
Laguna: Oh Julia! My love! * He scrambles up onto the stage and starts to kiss her passionately. Julia looks a bit bemused but doesn't resist *  
  
* Suddenly there is a thunderclap and all the lights go out *  
  
Rude: Eeek!  
  
* A soft blue light appears above Laguna and Julia and slowly, a woman appears in it. *  
  
Mysterious Woman: I am the ghost of FF past. I am here to show you your past wrongdoing Laguna Loire.  
  
Laguna: Raine?! Aw dammit, why did you have to show up?!! Mmph!!  
  
* Raine grabs him and flies out of the hall through the nearest window. Does the Albert Hall have windows?! *  
  
Julia: * Picks herself up and brushes an invisible dust spot off her dress * The nominees for Best Song are- * she looks at the audience's astonished faces * Well the show must go on musn't it?!  
  
Sephiroth: *muttering * It's not going on fast enough if you ask me.  
  
Julia: The nominees are; One Winged Angel from FF7! Golden Saucer from FF7! Liberi Fatali from FF8! Eyes On Me from FF8! Which by the way, is on sale at all good record stores near you! Song of Memory from FF9! And..Melodies of Life from FF9! The winner is..  
  
???: Hukuna Matata!! What a wonderful phrase!!  
  
???: Hukuna Matata!! Ain't no passin' craze!!  
  
???: It means no worries! For the rest of your-  
  
Sephiroth: Who the f**k are you two??!!!  
  
Timon: We're Timon and Pumbaa!! And we're here to show you what real music is, and why we should win this award! Ahem! Are ya achin'!  
  
Pumbaa: Yup yup yup!  
  
Timon: For some bacon!  
  
Pumbaa: Yup yup yup!  
  
Timon: He's a big pig!  
  
Pumbaa: Yup yup!  
  
Timon: You can be a big pig too! Oi!  
  
Reeve: ...May I point out that you are nothing to do with Final Fantasy?  
  
Timon: Uh, sure we are! We're uh.  
  
Pumbaa: Chocobos!  
  
Timon: Yeah that's right! We're Chocobos!  
  
Everyone: ........................  
  
Timon: OK fine!! We're from Disney! They think that Final Fantasy is more popular than them and we're supposed to do something about it. Sophie and Tyson love Disney as much as they love Final Fantasy you know!  
  
Raijin: Yeah I know, ya know?  
  
Timon: What do you know? Do you know something we don't?! What are you hiding mister??!!  
  
Raijin: I ain't hidin nothin' ya know?  
  
Timon: No I don't know that you know we don't know we know you're hiding something, ya know? .arrrgh!!  
  
Everyone: ....  
  
Sephiroth: Get off the stage! * everyone starts throwing things and they run off *  
  
Backstage...  
  
Timon: I thought you said they'd love us?!  
  
Sophie: *sweat drops * Well I never said they'd love you exactly..  
  
Pumbaa: I'm loading up Timon.  
  
Timon: Get that wind ready Pumbaa.  
  
Sophie: Hey that's not fair you pig!  
  
Pumbaa: Are you talking to me?  
  
Timon: Uh oh you called him a pig.  
  
Pumbaa: Are you talking to me??!!  
  
Timon: You shouldn't have done that!  
  
Pimbaa: ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?????!!!!!!!  
  
Timon: Now you're in for it!  
  
Pumbaa: They call me Mr. Pig!1 AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!  
  
Sophie:...see ya! * runs for her life *  
  
Back onstage the award has just gone to Melodies of Life and Reeve is announcing the next award.  
  
Reeve: I am presenting the next award. Now think of all your FF worlds, all those places you've loved. All those memories from your hometown. Think of..Midgar * a tear comes to his eye * the magnificent city of Midgar, it's lively streets, it's wonderful people-  
  
Sephiroth: Get on with it!!!  
  
Reeve: The nominees for Best City/Village/Town/ts laughing hysterically*  
  
Seifers voice: Kurse you cowboy! Nooo!!  
  
Zell: And the winner for best haido is-  
  
Sephiroth: Me!  
  
Zell:..no. It's Rude!  
  
Everyone:.......  
  
Rude: ....What?  
  
Irvine: Dude you don't have any hair.  
  
Rude: That's beside the point.  
  
Everyone:........  
  
Reeve: Yes well moving on..  
  
Sephiroth: Please tell me we're nearly done!  
  
Reeve: The LAST award is the most important of all-  
  
Sephiroth: Best looking?  
  
Reeve: No Best Game.  
  
Sephiroth: Well once again I'd like to thank myself-  
  
Reeve: Please welcome our final presenter, Sophie!  
  
* a computer-generated applause booms out*  
  
Sophie: Thank you, thank you, I know you all love me.  
  
Everyone: ..........  
  
Sophie: Oh lighten up! Well obviously this is the most important award which we might just as well have done first since none of you really cared about the others. It's Best Game!  
  
Everyone: .......  
  
Sophie: That's not a compliment to me.  
  
Everyone: * cheers and clapping *  
  
Sophie: But seriously, I'd just like to say that you're all a brilliant bunch of people who we couldn't do without.  
  
Steiner: * tear in eye * Oh.I say..how moving..  
  
Sephiroth: Hurry up! I'm getting withdrawal symptoms here!  
  
Sophie: From what? Rampant gay sex?  
  
Sephiroth: No! ...actually, now you come to mention it... I mean no no I'm not!  
  
* Vincent hands him some gay porn *  
  
Sephiroth: ....thank you.  
  
Sophie: Getting back to the point. The nominees are; Final Fantasy 7! Final Fantasy 8! And Final Fantasy 9! * whisper* Timon! Drumroll!  
  
* random clattering drum and symbol noises can be heard *  
  
Everyone: ......  
  
Timon: What? We don't have any drum beaters so Pumbaa just sat on the drumkit.  
  
Sophie: And the winner is Spyro the Dragon! Round of applause everybody!!  
  
Sephiroth: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT????!!!!!!!  
  
Sophie: Well you can't possibly expect me to choose between you, so I thought I'd choose someone totally different.  
  
Spyro: Yo dudes!  
  
Sephiroth: B-b-b-but! How could FF7 not win?? I mean, in FF9 the villans in drag! And FF8 was just weird!  
  
Rufus's Voice: Ladies and gentlemen, your entertainment for the evening!  
  
I give you, the Cheeky Chocobos!!  
  
Sephiroth: Wow what a turn-on.  
  
* cue music *  
  
????: I want some hot stuff baby this evenin'!  
  
????: I want some hot stuff baby tonight!  
  
Sephiroth: I think I'm going to kill myself.  
  
Zidane: Talk about little 'n' large. Or it could be little and littler depending on what you're talking about.  
  
Reeve: I'm ruined! Condemned to a life as a Channel 5 presenter!  
  
* Now I bet you're all thinking it's Timon and Pumbaa aren't you? Well it's not. They loved dressing in drag so much that they went on tour with Lily Savage *  
  
Rufus: Please welcome your two sex gods for the night! Heidegger and Hojo!  
  
Everyone: .....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  
  
* there is a stampede towards the door*  
  
Nanaki: Will you stop using animal related words? It makes me feel uncomfortable.  
  
* what? Stampede? How can anyone possibly associate that with you?? And anyway, I'm the narrator, you're not supposed to be talking to me!*  
  
Nanaki: You're not the narrator, you're Sophie.  
  
* ..am not *  
  
Nanaki: Yes you are.  
  
* Hojo advances on Nanaki with a very sexual glint in his eye *  
  
Nanaki: Ok ok ok sorry! You are all powerful!  
  
* he rushes out *  
  
Outside...  
  
Reeve: Ok it's safe to go in now. They went away.  
  
Sephiroth: I really need the loo.  
  
Reeve: They went into the backstage toilets.  
  
Sephiroth: dammit!  
  
Rufus's Voice: Would you like some alternative entertainment?  
  
Sephiroth: Booze?  
  
Rufus's Voice: There isn't any. Timon & Pumbaa drank it all.  
  
* voices can be heard from far away *  
  
Timon: In the red bus the pretty red bus, the warthog drives tonight.  
  
Pumbaa: The wheels of the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round. The wheels f the bus go round and round.  
  
Timon: And then it jumped over the moooooooooooonnnnnn!!!!!!  
  
* remember this is London *  
  
Sephiroth: What's the alternative entertainment then?  
  
Rufus: You'll see. And don't worry, its family viewing.  
  
Sephiroth: That doesn't sound good.  
  
* Everyone goes back into the hall. It grows dark, then suddenly cheesy music breaks out*  
  
?????: Sing along with Sopalot! Care and share with Sopalot!  
  
Sephiroth: Who would have thought she's have sunk this low.  
  
Sophie: Hello boys and girls and...other alternative individuals. Lets all play together! * mutters* I'm gonna kill Tyson & Rufus for this *  
  
Backstage..  
  
Rufus: heheheh  
  
Tyson: * rolling on floor in hysterics *  
  
Rufus: So Tyson? Why did you blackmail her to do it? I did it because it was her who put Reno up to the tampon thing. What about you?  
  
Tyson: Ah. I just thought it'd be funny.  
  
Sophie: Don't you run away now! Sopalot will be right back!  
  
* she runs backstage *  
  
Sophie: I'm gonna SLAUGHTER you two!!  
  
Rufus: Now now Sopalot. Something just might happen to all your FF games if you don't co-operate.  
  
Quina: I eat! I eat now!  
  
Sophie: I'll get you for this Shinra!  
  
* After 10 or so more minutes of Sopalot, Sephiroth can't take it any more *  
  
Sephiroth: That's IT! * rushes offstage*  
  
* 5 more minutes follow ( dance the kankan with Sopalot!), then something comes charging onstage, knocking Sopalot out*  
  
Sephiroth: Kill along with Sephalot! Murder and torture with Sephalot! Burn and destroy with Sephaloooooootttttttttt!!!!!  
  
* I think it's best to close now, I'll just say that everyone lived happily ever after with Sopalot. Wait a miniute.no they didn't! AAAh!! Scratch that! Ok um, you are the weakest link goodbye!*  
  
Top of Form 3 Bottom of Form 3 


End file.
